Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The feelings better not felt.

My little sister announced her engagement.  It is exciting.  My little sister is marrying the person that compliments like I never thought someone else could.  They are perfect for each other.  They bring a balance to each other.  Most importantly, Kevin tolerates Lauren in a way that can only be true love.  I remember one time they were at my mom's for a visit.  Lauren used to get Wizard Magazine when she was in her comic phase.....or I should say, when she was more into comics....but anyway, they were sitting on the couch together, reading this magazine and talking what sounded like gibberish to everyone else in the room, but they completely understood each other.  The entire time, they would laugh and discuss what they were reading, maybe a slight disagreement every once in a while....but overall, it was a very nerdy but heart warming moment to witness.  I am filled with joy for them and her ring is absolutely perfect.  I am not hugely into jewelry and most engagement rings that I see do nothing for me, but her's is magnificent.  (Sorry Jen)  If I were to pick one out for my self, it would be that shape and style....(well not now of course because I can't copy....)

But I am feeling the feelings that no one should feel when they are happy for someone else.  Both of my sister's will be married.  Both of them have found their people.  Both know what it feels to be that important to another person.  They will both be in a club that I don't belong to.  I am in the Mom Club which I can't share with them, and they are/will be in the Married Club, one of which I don't know I will ever be a part of.  Am I jealous?  I guess you could say that, but it really doesn't describe it properly.  I am joyful and happy, but it is a reminder that my life will never have been the traditional pattern of love, marriage, children......and also that I want what they both have....

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