Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Why don't guys say no?

I feel really pathetic that dating and finding a mate are so primarily
on my mind but at this junction in time it is so. Ever since Travis
and I broke up two and a half years ago I keep waiting for that
fairytale to happen. Ya know the one where it's love at first sight
or your mutual friend foresees the two of you being together or you
still meet by chance when a third party bails out on the night or (the
classic) you are great friends when you realize that it is more than
friendship!!! All of these are a hoax right? No of course not! All of
these stories are from people that are in my life. These have tainted
my vision and I am waiting for mine. My rational brain says that I
really haven't been single that long and to chill out...it also says
my situation is totally different than a lot of peoples because of
Parker. But still it is there and it screws up everything
constantly!!! By everything I mean my hopes. For example I have been
talking to this guy who I have had a great time hanging out with and I
really enjoy talking to him but then we made out. The making out (the
wonderful makig out) totally put a huge dent in my "I'm gonna try this
slow friends thing this time" plan. I don't even know why I come up
with plans that deep down I'm not going to go through with buuuut
anyway. I should back track.....

The past two years have been a series of me having a crush on a guy
then we hang out in a social setting, laugh and be merry then we hang
out in a private setting then one thing leads to another and then I
either A) lose interest and don't call them back or B) I expect way
too much too soon. Why do I have no gray area! I was born with a
gray area definciency (it is a known medical syndrome you know).
Hence the reason that guys should say no...well atleast to me.

So back the guy of the moment...we made out and I feel like things are
weird now because just like I didn't want to I have gotten my hopes
up. The biggest difference right now is that I am still talking to
him because I normally would have quit contacting him already soooo I
guess that's like 5 points for me...right? Okay maybe only 2 :(

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