I found a house. It is beautiful and totally ready to move in. I have been preapproved and know where I can get the down payment money from, so my ducks are in a row. The realtor had another open house today. When I found out a streak of jealously went down my spine which makes me know I want it, I know I can afford it but can I commit to it? My mom asked me if I am planning on being in Cincinnati for atleast the next 5 years, I told her yes, as far as I know. But then I started thinking about it. What if something in my life changes tomorrow? What if I change jobs or lose my job and can't find another one or get transfered? What if I meet someone? A house means reaching the next step in my life. It is making living here more permenant. It is starting real roots here. Is this where I want to stay? I have so many ideas of plans for my furture but I have so many ideas for a sercure future for Parker. Home ownership, I feel, is one step in the right direction for his securtiy. Where we are now is defininately our home, we love it. We love our upstairs neighbors. But it would be exciting to have our own place with a back yard and a street with side walks. For Parker, I know it is good. He is excited about it and asked the morgage guy if I was allowed to buy a house.
For me though it brings up so many other questions. The fear is deeper and paralyzing. Can I handle home ownership? Will I be able to manage home repairs? Will I be able to take care of the entire property alone? I know I have mentioned this fear before, but how will it change me as a single woman? There is a stigma attached to being a single female home owner. I believe that it is positive, but I am also a member of a society which thinks that it closes the door for finding a partner. Is it too independent of me to want to take this step? Am I crossing a line that will put me into the "single for life" bracket? As a single woman, when you meet a guy who owns their own house it is a check in the plus box, as a single man meeting a woman who owns their own home, it is considered to be intimidating. A reason why that man would not be needed in that woman's life. The home is bought and the woman is added, not the other way around. But why is it viewed that way? I know that if I buy this house or any other house if will be a very good thing, an investment, and rea