Thinking back over the past year I have realized that it was a good year. There were obviously some low light, like my store closing in June, Parker's dad making himself more scarce, and normal parenting ups and downs, but this year has been so different than years in the past. It has been a long while since I can remember consistently feeling happy with the direction of my life. As sad as it is to say, even the year and following year after Parker was born, I was not happy. I had happy times, but I was finishing college, living at home, learning that I would be healthier if I ended my relationship with Parker's dad and then starting a new job. It was very turbulent......for a long time. Once I moved here, life changed but it was still turbulent. This past year, I entered it knowing that being single was fine, knowing that I can handle my life as a single working mother and setting side the expectations that another person would enter my life to make me happy. Hmm...that last statement sounds kinda harsh, I mean that I realized my happiness was up to me, not another person turning on the switch. That was my resolution last year, to be on my own and to be okay with it, I didn't try to date everyone that asked me out like the year prior, I was picky. I think this may have been one of my favorite years, despite the bad that did happen. I have been successful this year. I have moved to a more profitable store with the intention of making it grow more than it already has. Although there have been many challenges on the Mommy front, I feel like I can handle a 5 year old, attitude and all. And my personal life, I have regained a friend that was dear to me last year, I have met and become friends with many interesting characters through work and mr has entered my life. I am happy right now. I am cynical, as you know, so I am not expecting it to last too long, but what a great way to start another year! I don't think I have ever ended a year without a big "Fuck You" to it.
I would like to say that I am off to a big party to supplement my joy for 2010, but I am home with Parker....just the two of us watching Bambie. My heart is with mr tonight though. I didn't think that it would bother me to be without him tonight and then it started to. It is just another night and it isn't uncommon for me to be at home with Parker (you try to get a babysitter on New Year's....it's effing hard), but this is the first year for a LONG time that I have had someone that I want to kiss at midnight. Oh well, life as a single mom right? So we will enjoy our movie and hope to stay awake past midnight.
I hope that everyone has a wonderful and safe night. Here's to 2011, I hope you are a wonderful as 2010!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
I haven't traveled with Parker in some time....I think the last time we had a long car ride together was when my mom, Parker and I drove to Chicago to visit my Aunt when Parker was 10 months old. That was a bad car ride. Going up was much worse than coming home this time, well, except the snow storm we drove through yesterday, but Parker specifically was great. We arrived on Saturday and stayed until Monday. We were lucky enough to have mr's cousin as our personal tour guide and spent Saturday night and Sunday early afternoon together. Sunday Parker had a separate adventure as mr and I had the holiday party to attend.....his adventure/challenge was to behave and have fun in a hotel room all night with a wonderful babysitter I hired through a service the hotel recommended. Now I know what you are thinking, I let someone I had never met watch Parker....in a strange city. I was really nervous about it at first, but she was great. The company the hotel works closely with is great. They gave me so much information on the sitter, I honestly felt like I knew her and had met her before. While Parker made a new friend, mr and I had a blast with my JJ family at Gino's for dinner, 2nd City for laughs and the a few of us headed to The Redhead.....a very chill piano bar. The holiday parties are always great, but this one is exceptionally memorable because it is the first one I invited someone to go with me. My favorite part of the night was when I was lead to the front of the bar right next to the piano for a dance with mr. Besides him calling out how much I was giggling, it was very romantic and kinda made my heart pitter patter.
I can picture myself living in Chicago....getting a place downtown so that all I would have to do is walk or use public transportation. I can see myself loving it and being there a long time. Unfortunately I can't see Parker living in the same environment. Maybe one day I will call Chicago my home and reconnect with the roots that I have there, but grass and yards are important. Visit are sufficient for now and Parker, I believe, is falling for the same city I did years ago, he made his wimper face when we were leaving downtown, and what's even better, my boss decided that we would have meetings in Chicago twice a year.......I am totally okay with that.
at 8:51 PM
Sunday, December 12, 2010
I came out of my room yesterday morning to find that Parker had put all the ornaments on the tree.....without me.....and without the lights being in place first. It was adorable. Instead of playing before I awoke he took the initiative to decorate and help without being to told or asking if he could. I was kind of sad because that is was I had planned for our lazy, snowy Sunday, but you can't be too upset when a 5 year does something to show that he is thinking outside his world and his own needs. So I smiled and said thank you to him. He then explained to me why there are no ornaments at the top or around the sides of the tree......well duh, he simply couldn't reach. The "particular" side of me wants to fix is but the sentimental mom in me just wants to look at it as long as the tree is alive so that I am sure to remember the way it looks for years to come when I retell the story of the first time Parker decorated the tree literally on his own. I will put lights on it however and take a picture for sure....I trust photos to assist most of my memories of Parker and my life right now.....I am a Moyer and good memories are not something that is in our gene pool. (well they are good we are just bad at remembering this accurately)
at 5:56 PM
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Parker recently had his Kindergarten picture taken. He looks huge and old and smart with his toothless smile. I was replacing last fall's picture in the frame with afternoon when I took off the back and realized that all of his professional 8 x 10's where still in the back of the frame. I am sure I did the same thing last year but can't remember doing it.....I looked at every single picture that was in there. It was like a little trip down his development and growth from this year at 5 down to when he was my chubba chubba at 4 months....he bald chubby toothless smile with his fat cheeks and his wrist rings. It almost made me tear up. He isn't even that old but it is hard to remember him as a 4 month old baby.
at 6:54 PM