Sunday, March 3, 2013

So then there was life

So yea, it's been awhile......sorry for not calling or writing or sending smoke signals, life has really caught up to me over the past few months.

I wish I could say that I have been way to overwhelmingly happy that I haven't even thought about my blog and how it helpful it is for me to get my thoughts out......if I told you that is the reason I have stayed away (partially on purpose) I would be the biggest a-hole liar.  Life has caught up to me in the most bite you in the ass kinda way.

I haven't writing because I don't like to bitch and moan.  If I can't make my sorrows into something sarcastic and sometimes self deficating, then it turns into a pity party for one......and I can't stand that.  But without this unique form of release, I seriously think I am going to explode.

RP has been diagnosed with ADHD.  Yes, I have heard that it is not from poor parenting.  Yes, I have heard that it is totally treatable, sometimes without medication and there is a spectrum where a child may fall.  Yes, I have heard that some of the world's most influential and creative people are ADHD.  Yes, I have heard all of that and I have spewed it out from time to time when I have needed to remind a family member and my self of the positive things that go along with all of life's little quirks.  Yes, I have heard that he is still the same child and nothing about him has changed.......yes, I have heard......but let me tell you how much none of that matters when we are in the middle of an episode.  When the behavior is so impulsive that it has no matter if I am barricading the doorway with my own body but his is still reeling to get through......I have heard all the other stuff but it is hard as hell to remember it when you are stuck in the "fit" moments.

That last one, he is still the same child and nothing has's true but it is so untrue at the same time.  He is still RP.  He still cares and loves the same things as he always has.  He still has his amazing days and his low days.  He still is the same.  But as soon as I had that conference with the Behavioral Counselors at his school, he is different.  Or I am.  His moods seem more extreme.  He tries to physically over power me more than he did before.  He seems to have actually lost his motivation to earn his stickers, unlike before.  It is like he now fits the symptoms and signs of ADHD where as before, he was a 2nd grader who had a summer birthday, he was a little bit socially delayed compared to the other second graders........I think it is me that is different......not him.

He is a great student.  He sits still and completes his work when he has some at school.  He is sitting in the kitchen completely involved with a craft (you know those peg board things with the plastic bead things that you make a pattern and then iron it so the beads melt together.....oh come on, you know what I'm talking about).....he can sit and watch Lord of the Rings, seriously all three of them if I let him.  To me, this is not ADHD......but like I said, apparently there is a spectrum and most of his lies on the social and impulse side.

I'm not going to activities are not his strong suit.  I used to think it was because he wasn't involved in them enough so when he was around other kids he just got super excited.  But he is regularly involved in sports, two seasons a year and he is in cub scouts which is at least 3 times a month.  So I know now it isn't the lack of extracurricular activities.

I know it isn't a parenting issue, but I have never felt like more of a failure......his behavior is a direct result of my parenting and I feel like I have let him down.

It seems to me that this blog will no longer be just regarding a day in the life as a single parent, but more like how to cope with a son who has recently been diagnosed with ADHD and there has been no medical intervention that a good title? 

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