Friday, February 5, 2010

I need to vent

To start, the format of this always is a alittle screwy when I post
from my frustrates me because it doesn't look right...but

To second my start, this one is serious. I have encountered something
that I have only read about and while I can commiserate with some of
the feelings based on my own experience, I do not understand completely.

I will keep this brief because it is not my story to tell. One of my
crew is the victim of Domestic Violence. Months ago she came in with
a black eye. Although I will not discredit the reason she told
everyone, it didn't make sense. I told her I had an open door. I
remember thinking at that moment that she would never utilize my
offer, her life has taken so many twists and turn in her year with me,
and help is one thing that she does not ask for, (I can relate to the

Two mornings ago, she called because she was just released from the
hospital. I have never heard such a vunerable voice.

She came into work today, not to work but to talk to me. I gave her
some hotline and shelter info that I found for her. She thanked me so
many times and opened up to me that I realized that even with all the
abuse and domestic violence classes I took in college and all of the
literature I have read and the experience that I have had in an
emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship, that I have
never seen that fear. I have never seen that pain. I have never seen
those bruises or cuts or defensive wounds. I have no idea how to
help. There are limitations to the relationship that I can have with
my employees. Don't get me wrong, I care very deeply for all of
them. Although I have a few new hires, they have been with me for no
less than 6 months. They are my extended family, I know them. But
with her I can't fix it or give her the word of wisedom that I long to
give. I tried to not feel her pain while she was in front of me, but
kept a stoic demeanor. When I hugged her, she held me so tightly it
felt like she was going to pull me over.

I hope that the small amount of information is useful to her. I hope
she has the strength to not let him back into her home. I hope she
finds the strength to know it wasn't her fault. I hope she finds the
strength to know she is valuable.

I think I am in the wrong profession. I wanted nothing more than to
make it better for her.

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