Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Humbled Mom

Last night there was a big storm in Cincinnati.  It started while RP was playing, what become, his last baseball game of the season.  They had a long run and made it to the third game of the tournament, but when we were down by 11 runs and the lightning started last night, we conceded the loss instead of waiting for 30 minute for the game to be rescheduled for being one run short of a run rule.  Anyway, the dark clouds followed us as we drove from Okeana back to civilization.  We stopped at Chipotle for dinner and watched the sky get darker and darker during our meal.  Occasionally there would be a flash of lightning which sparked a thought in RP's brain.

He started talking about sprites.  I had never heard of a sprite before (unless it was the carbonated beverage or a forest creature) so I just listened to his explanation.  According to him, it was the part of the lightning that comes up from the ground when lightning strikes from the sky.  He had learn about this through a "document" he watched before he watched the "document" about the really smart guy in the wheelchair (Stephen Hawking).  Each time the lightning would strike, he would say, "Oh, that was a good one, that one had to have had a sprite."

Later I asked B if he has ever heard on a sprite before, his response was no.  In typical grown up, I-know-more-than-my-son, he-must-have-heard-it-wrong fashion, I didn't really believe he knew what he was talking about.  Tisk tisk Mom.  I should really have more faith in his knowledge.  I know he is smart and I know his memory is way better than mine.  I shouldn't second guess everything that he tells me and here is why: while entering information about a property loss due to lightning strike, I was reminded of our conversation.  So I pulled up trusty ole Google, and guess what.....he was mostly right.  Mama has been schooled!  Granted, he was wrong about where a sprite occurs, but he reference it in the correct situation.

Maybe I am alone in not knowing what a sprite is already and need to education myself.  Or maybe it isn't common knowledge.

I am humbled and feel foolish for not trusting him more last night.

If you don't know what it is are some references

Wednesday, April 30, 2014


A portrait of my son, once a week for every week in 2014

This is the face I get when I say, "hey look at me"

Monday, April 21, 2014


A portrait of my son, once a week for every week in 2014

Playing with his new favorite ladies

Monday, April 14, 2014


*A portrait of my son, once a week for every week in 2014.*

RP and his best buddy after the school sharing program

Monday, April 7, 2014


                                    *A portrait of my son, once a week for every week in 2014.*

Sunday, April 6, 2014


I have realized recently that I live for 5pm.  That time of day has had more significance to me over the past few months than ever before.  Back in the day, when I was still working at JJ, 5pm didn't mean much.  I still was thinking about work and I was living work well after I left.  Changing to an office job started the trend, but still, it hasn't been until this year that everything I look forward to is after 5pm.  There are the highlights in the morning, like getting RP to school, but when I leave work I rush to get to the two people I could spend all my time with.  Coming home to RP alone has always been the joy of my day, but it brought along it's own amount of stress that sometimes the idea of staying at work seemed easier.  Now, sharing the responsibility of parenting, house chores, and of the the joy of RP makes me not want to leave my house.....sharing all of this makes me happier and makes me enjoy my life more.

This is ironic.  I started this post the other night.....I think it was Wednesday.  I have been wanting to write about all the changes that have happened over the past month with B living here now when this "living for 5pm" realization occurred.  Everything in the short paragraph above is true.  I feel like my day truly begins at 5 when I leave work...but here is the irony: Thursday I was let go from the company where I employed.  Yup......I am a product of downsizing.  I have never been fired or let go from a position before.  It is so surreal.  I had already requested Friday off as PTO.  RP had been on Spring Break all week and since B doesn't work on Fridays, we were going to have a..........well........"special couple day."  We had champagne and OJ for mimosas and the plan was to stay in bed all day.  Just be together without a child.  I have never really realized how great that time is of complete togetherness without thinking about a schedule or time frame.  So anyway, I knew I wasn't going to be working Friday but now I don't have a job to return to next week.  That is the part that is so weird.  The last time I was unemployed, it was when RP was just born until he was about 1 year old.....but I was going to school full time still, so that is still a job.  Since I started working, I have always made working part of me....of who I am.  For right or wrong, I have never wanted to not work.  I am the person that says they will still work even if they win the lottery.  I enjoy, sometimes I love it.  Being productive, being a part of something that you get to leave at the end of the day, it helps me function.

It is so weird.  It wasn't a personal decision....I know that.  It was purely numbers and business.  I get it.  I am a logical person, and from the way that conversations had been happening over the last six months, I can't say that I am that surprised.  But why was I picked and not another person in the department?  That is the personal verses business struggle.  I sat in my car for 40 minutes after I cleared my desk.  Part of me was trying to decide if I was going to say "Fuck It" and go to the nearest bar.  Part of me was just trying to be able to focus on driving instead of what just happened.  I knew I had to go home.

This is very shocking news but there is a really big bright side.  I have an interview tomorrow.  This is amazing news really.  I don't want to be overly confident about how I think I will do tomorrow, but I have the highest of hopes.  It would be ideal if I am hired immediately.....then last week could just be like a little blip.  But for now I am in a limbo state.  I know it is Sunday and it is time for bed very soon because have some where to be by hour later isn't that big of a deal......but Tuesday.  And Wednesday.  And Thursday.  And Friday.  What about those days.  What will I do then?  And if this interview does not go the way that I want it to go......limbo is a scary place to be.

Sunday, March 30, 2014


  *A portrait of my son, once a week for every week in 2014.*

Sunday, March 23, 2014


                                *A portrait of my son, once a week for every week in 2014.*

The Cincinnati Public School district partners with the Cincinnati/Hamilton County Libraries for a district wide art contest.  Each school's Art teacher is able to submit four students from their school and as you can see, RP was one of the chosen artists to represent Parker Woods Montessori.  Above just getting to participate in the competition, RP received a Gold Seal, which means he will get a special award at a ceremony in May.  I am so proud of him.  His skill in drawing and creativity reminds me of both of my sisters.  I am glad that their artistic gene is present in him as well.  He explained his piece as a multi-layered painting of a city.

Monday, March 17, 2014


 *A portrait of my son, once a week for every week in 2014.*

He looks so big next to my mom!

Monday, March 10, 2014


   *A portrait of my son, once a week for every week in 2014.*

Legos and road rug - two things I hope he always wants around.


Monday, March 3, 2014


*A portrait of my son, once a week for every week in 2014.*

"I just want to sit here and sew!"

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

ADHD update

So it has been roughly two months since RP started a pharmaceutical intervention for his ADHD.  We have changed from the original prescription to one that is about $50 less.  Seriously, can not believe how much this medicine is.  Of course it doesn't help that I have a high deductible insurance plan......but seriously.....$145 for a 30 day supply?!  Hence the switch.

This second medicine is about the same as the first.  I haven't noticed any difference really, prescription wise.  He hasn't had any of the side effects that I was worried about.  He is eating the normal RP amount...aka a lot.  He hasn't had any headaches or stomach aches.  He has been taking melatonin on the days that he takes his medicine.  He requested, about a week ago, that he not take the melatonin one night.....that was not a fun bed time.  There were no fits or tantrum or crazy fears, but it took him about an hour and a half to fall asleep.  Which is a long time.  He was quiet the whole time-just not sleeping.  It used to be (pre-medicine) that he would keep him self up by singing or talking or whatever but as soon as he would be quiet he would fall asleep.  This time was not like pre-medicine so I believe that it was the "crash" I was warned about and what made bedtime so difficult when he first started the meds.

I had a conference with his teacher not too long ago.  I was nervous about meeting with her and the reading specialist about how he had progressed or not progressed since starting the medication.  The last conference we had was in December before break.  It was that meeting that was my final push to medicate him.  The meeting was wonderful.  They are impressed with his behavioral change in class.  He is learning to separate himself from his buddies when it is time for group work.  In fact, while he was with the reading specialist one day, his good friend asked to work with RP, and RP said, no thank you-I would rather do it on my own.  Good job!  This is reflective of him completing homework more often on his own than with my help at home too.  They are both very confident that once the 504 is in place for the accommodations, there is no reason why RP won't pass the OAAs in May.  That was very good to hear.  I am the type that prepares mentally for the worse, and when I can let go of that a little, there is a huge mental sigh of relief.

One of the biggest changes that I have noticed over the past two months is his confidence.  Each day, the students get a check minus, a check, or a check plus for classroom behavior.  RP was in the slump of getting mostly check minuses and checks for most of the school year until January.  Since he started taking this medicine, he has come home with mostly check pluses during the week!  He is so very proud of himself.  A few weeks ago, he got a check plus everyday during the week for the first time since last year.  He was so nonchalant while telling me, I asked him, "are you happy and proud of yourself?"  His response was hilarious, he says, "Well yea!  Can't you see my face!"  Of course I couldn't because I was driving but in true RP fashion, he re-enacted the entire thing once we were home.

RP has been so noticeably happy recently.  We still have our moments, mostly in the morning before school or on some weekend afternoons, but his overall demeanor is positive and happy.  He has always been a happy boy, but there was so much that pulled him down since the end of last school year, it is a relief to see that glow in his face again.  As a parent's happiness and overall attitude of life reflects upon their child, I think that our children's happiness and attitude reflects upon us as well.  I love this change in him and for him.  It is like a peace and evenness has returned to his life.  He is trying hard in school, Scouts, soccer, and at home-his sticker chart has a big meaning for him again.  I am glad that I made the decision to start the medication.  Part of me wishes I would have started him sooner on it, but I think what I was trying was worth a shot.  Can't regret past decisions but move forward from there.

Monday, February 24, 2014


*A portrait of my son, once a week for every week in 2014.*

Cub Scouts being the crazy boys they are.  The goal, build a marshmallow and pretzel stick structure as tall as you can in 11 minutes aka a mound of pretzel sticks and marshmallows.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Cub Scout Crafts

This is definitely one of my favorite crafts done by the boys in RP's den.  We have our annual Blue and Gold Ceremony this coming weekend with a theme of "Flight."  Each of the Dens are responsible for making a center piece under the theme, so my den made some clothes pin airplanes and a diorama to put them in.  I found the planes online line here and then had the genius idea (with a little help figuring how to make this a requirement) of putting the planes in shoe boxes.  Boom.  Best craft ever.  The boys really loved making the planes and their scenes too.  Creative bunch I have here.  I am impressed with each of their artistic abilities and how well they stayed on task during this meeting.  

Hard at work coloring the sky and gluing tissue paper as grass.
Not only did he color the back part, but the sides too!
This guy hung his planes so it was soaring in the sky!
Got artsy and took his pic upside down.  Used all mediums from coloring to paper to tissue paper.
RP meticulously using torn up tissue paper as grass so there would be texture.
RP's finished product....not sure what he has against blue skies!  I like the one taking off :)

Monday, February 17, 2014


*A portrait of my son, once a week for every week in 2014.*

I know, its just supposed to be RP.  I tried to crop out B and I, but then it was all grainy.  This is my new favorite picture.  RP is so genuinely happy and he is smiling so hard in that picture.  I tear up looking at his beautiful, happy face.  This was Valentine's Day date, where B and I took RP to dinner and a movie.  Post Tom and Chee and pre Lego Movie.  It was a great night.

Friday, February 14, 2014

How Times Are Changing

There have been some changes in my son recently.  Not bad changes, but.......changes.  Of course, I don't know if these changes are typical for boys around the age of 8 as I have never been around 8 year old boys to know.  But the small things are changing.

I found out the other day, from a conversation with a friend and also a parent of a 9 year old boy, that I am not alone in noticing the changes happening in our boys.  She asked me, "Do you think our boys could be starting the first steps of puberty?"  Our baby boys?  Our little guys?  The little chubba chubba that needed me to lay with him at night to fall asleep?  My little one who's favorite thing was to cuddle with his mama?!  No!  Puberty is too far away still.  I have at least another 4-6 years before he becomes a lanky, awkward, acne induced, walking hormone.  Right?  I have that much time before I am the uncoolest, most embarassing mom ever.  Right?

After thinking about this for a couple weeks, and piecing together the changes in his wants (ie privacy), conversations, looks, and behavior, I realize that he is in the weird phase.  He isn't a little kid anymore but but he isn't really a big kid either.  Most of the time he is a big kid, but he still enjoy a lot of little kid things-like cuddling with his mom.  But he is starting to get into some big kid habits-like needing to fix his hair.....every morning.

The hair thing is just one of the most recent things.

RP and Girls
Once upon a time, if you mentioned RP having a girlfriend or liking a girl, he would get upset.  Like mad-at-you-don't-talk-about-that-I-would-never-have-a-girlfriend kind of mad.  He would scowl and refuse to talk about it.  So the other day on the way home, he cooley tells me how he has a girlfriend.  It the same girl that liked him in first grade and the same little vixen who "tripped and fell into him" (I'm on to your game little girl) and hugged him for catching her.  And he is okay with telling me all this. So we, as mother and son, have crossed the forbidden bridge and we are now allowed to talk about him a girls.  Although, he did swear me to secrecy.  So as if this wasn't enough "girl" change, he drops the bomb a few days later, that he now has two girlfriends!  Whoa playa!  Slow it down!  And he made this announcement in front of B!  We looked each other and in unison, said, "Let's narrow it down to one girlfriend.  It's not the nicest thing to have two girlfriends at the same time."  (Side note: I told my mom this story last night and she says that it is totally okay to be "dating" more than one person at the same time and two girlfriends at the age of 8 is completely acceptable.  I think we see where his playa nature comes from...Grandma).  But he was okay with narrowing it down to just one.  A few days later, at dinner, he told B and I that he had broken up with one of girl stating, "I don't like you as much any more but you can still like me.  And we can still be friends."  Classy, huh?

RP and Hair Gel
I don't even know what to say about this one.  He is very concerned about his hair every morning.  He has about 15 cowlicks and is a pro at bedhead, so I get that he is concerned with how the back always sticks up, but really, he is 8, why does he care?  I don't remember caring about my hair at 8 and as a girl, I was socialized to care about it way more than he is.  But there it is.  Sticking up and in need of gel.  We wet it down and gel it up but it has to be just the right type of flat in the back and just the right amount of sticking up in the front.  Juuuuuuust right.  He looked at me one day, after accomplishing getting his hair just right all on his own, and says, "I don't have to take a shower every day because I can brush my hair down tomorrow with the same gel in it.  I get two hair styles from one day of gel."  Way to be conservative with the hair gel kid.  But really, if there isn't time for a shower or fixing the hair, a little kid fit can be expected.....and complaining of his hair hurting, (which is actually painful).

RP's Worldly Wisdom
So he has always had these gems of wisdom that surface every now and then.  While they aren't necessarily more frequent, the scope has changed.  For example, his wisdom usually is from an RP centered perspective.  The other day I forgot my parking pass in the kitchen so I had to park in the building.  I pay monthly for the pass that I have but its roughly 3 bucks a day and the building is $9 for the day.  At dinner I was saying how I paid $12 to go to work that day, in my usual sarcastic tone.  RP scoffs a little and says, "I hope you are being dramatic about this."  I asked if he meant sarcastic, he said yes and I assured him I was to which he states, "Good, because you have a good job.  You shouldn't complain about having a good job because there are a lot of people that don't have good jobs."  When your child calls you out of stuff like that it is like WHAM!  Touché my son, touché.

RP and Privacy
This is the big one.  Since it has just been RP and I most of his life, we have always had an "open door" policy unless there is poop.  Then out of ole factory courtesy, we close the door.  Helping with showers, towel off, RP peeing while I get ready in the morning (the woes of one bathroom), have all been the norm......that is until about a month ago or so.  He told me to stay out of his room while he was getting dressed after a shower.  I thought he was done and walked in and man oh man!  Got my head bit off!  "Mom, I don't want you to see my penis!"  Goodness gracious kid!  I have seen it more than you!  Then about a week later, I knocked on the bathroom door just wanting to reach into grab something, and again...."Mom!  I am naked!  I don't want you to see me naked!"  Sweetie, you know you were born naked....right?  "Yes Mom, but I am not a baby anymore and now it's just weird."  Moments in motherhood when the reality that they grow away from you smacks you in the face.  And now, this week, he won't pee if I am in there and assure him that I won't look at him.  Door closed only.  This last one may sound weird to some of you reading, but I am pretty confident that other parents or aunts and uncles, who maybe exceptionally close to their nieces and nephews, can understand that this is an extreme.  Since he was mobile, there was no privacy.  I didn't get privacy and he didn't have need for it.  And now that I am used to the lack of privacy there has been an overnight switch to "closed doors."

So there it is!  He may not be entering puberty quite yet (which I have been slowly preparing him for and his reactions are classic), but he is changing and transitioning to being a big kid more of the time.  I am happy that he isn't in too big of a rush though.  Hearing him play with his Legos or when he (rarely) plays with his cars, are sounds that I will miss.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014


*A portrait of my son, once a week for every week in 2014.*

Sporting a recent hair cut.  This kid pulls of bed head like no one else. (yes. I know. I am a couple days late)

Sunday, February 2, 2014


*A portrait of my son, once a week for every week in 2014.*

My favorite "selfie" he has ever taken.  

Sunday, January 26, 2014


*A portrait of my son, once a week for every week in 2014.*

One of the many faces he makes.

Sunday, January 19, 2014


*A portrait of my son, once a week for every week in 2014.*

My big time helper shoveling when we got home last night.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

5 years ago

Five years ago, this month, I started dating this guy.  We had been talking for a few weeks, had met the previous July, and I had finally found a babysitter for a night.  Although I can't remember the exact date (bc come on, it was 5 years ago!), I do remember that we met at The Rusty Bucket at Rookwood because it was about half way between our homes.  I know, meeting at the restaurant for a first date....not so romantic but I barely knew the guy, I wasn't going to let him pick me up and know where I lived!  Safety first! Ha.

I called my mom and sisters while I was driving over there.  I hadn't been on an "out to dinner date" like....ever before.  I had actually, not really by definition, dated anyone since I had left RP's dad.....this was so foreign to me!  I was unbelievably nervous.  They both told me, because they know how much food I can throw down, to order a salad and a pop....the pop would help fill me up so that I wouldn't over eat.  And.....I didn't listen.  I remember getting a big ass hamburger (this was back in my gluten-eating days) and it was delicious.  I probably should have been a little embarrassed by how much of it I crammed into my big mouth for my first bite, but if you are going to get to know me, it may as well be from the get go right?!

It was a fun date.  We shared stories and laughed.  I could't imagine it going better.  It was comfortable.  Probably because we had known each other for like 6 months by that point, but ya was still nice.  We didn't do anything afterwards because I only had a babysitter for so long, and from my memory, I only got a hug goodbye.  If you ask this gentleman, he will tell you I got a kiss......and we could argue all day as to who is right (I have a better memory in general.....just sayin).  This one date was the beginning of a relationship that I thought ended three months later.

It was a short amount of time, dating this man.  I wasn't ready and I don't think he was either.  He was good to me and he was good to RP.  He cared about us and I believed that I loved him then.  I believed it enough to tell him that at one point.  He was the first person I called my boyfriend since RP's dad, which at the time, was a really big deal for me to be able to do.  I don't think he understood how hard that was for me.  But our relationship ended.  I was really sad when it ended and I was sad that he didn't try to stop me from ending it.  And the worse part about the whole break up was that I still saw him.  Regularly.  Week after week.  Consistently until June 2010.

After that, I didn't see him anymore.  I had pushed our relationship away and got over it some time before June 2010.  I had moved on, and I assumed that he had too.  A good looking 22 (at the time) year old wouldn't have a hard time moving on.  He was just a guy that I had dated.  Because of the initial connection that we had, we still would talk occasionally, maybe like once a month he would see what was going on with the store I had run downtown.  We would catch up on our lives and he would ask about RP.  Eventually though, there was no common connection between us anymore.  Still....he would check in.  He began to change from a former boyfriend to an old friend.

So now, 5 years later, I find my self completely in love with this same guy.  The level of comfort I have around him and how much I feel like he knows me, is astonishing.  He is one of my people.  He is one of those people in my life that I feel connected to no matter the amount of time.  Our conversations over the years were brief.  They were just a "Hey, how are you doing, what's new" kind of thing.  As simple and brief as they were, it was also nice to hear from him and to know how he was doing.  To know that he was happy.  And to hear about his good times and bad.  Without thinking, we were building a foundation of friendship.  That foundation got stronger at the end of last summer.  He was a good friend who knew me enough but was far away enough from my life, that his external opinions were good to hear.  He was supportive when my grandfather passed.  It wasn't until I saw him face to face again that I realized that I wanted to be more than just his friend.  And it concerned me.  Fresh out of  relationship is not really the best time to get involved.  But there isn't anything I can't talk to him about.  He understood.  And waited.  I began to realize that I loved him.  I realized it before we even were physically involved with each other.  I wondered if I ever stopped having feelings for him or if I pushed them so far down that I didn't recognize they were there.  For me, now, being analytically about that doesn't matter. (I heard that not over analyze!  Say whaaaaaat?!)

I don't over think everything (I know!  Half this blog has been me over thinking everything!).  I say what I am feeling and thinking to him without fear of overstepping or saying too much or making my self too vulnerable.  I look at him and can't believe that it is him again in my life like this.  That he is the one that I would feel this way towards.  That he would be the one who I discovered how deeply I can love someone.  I can't believe it is him - but I am so happy it is.  There is that saying, let love go and if it is meant to be it will return to you.  I never really understood that it meant the second time would be so overwhelmingly powerful.  I never understood when people would tell me that the "work" you do in a relationship can be hard but it that brings joy and fulfillment to your life; it doesn't feel like the work I have done in other feels easier....more natural.  (Yeah, I know...pretty mushy and gushy for this one right gets worse if you keep reading)

I am sitting here so happy about he and I.  So excited for the future in front of us. I am excited for the future in front of him and RP.  I don't remember being excited about my future......that is so sad to actually say out loud, but my future was always just there.  There was nothing foreseeable beyond what I was doing everyday already.  Being excited about everything that is coming up in life makes me feel like I am living.  Like it isn't just passing me by and I'm only holding on to the parenting experience to bring me joy.  The past year, I feel like I have transformed.  I feel like I came out of a cloud.  I have mentioned before that I was just waiting for my life to happen.  I know that I took steps since the beginning of 2013 to regain that "control" over my life.  But this is like 50,000 times stronger than I the excitement I felt when I bought my house.  Yay life! (hahah, I am totally laughing at myself for that one, you can too, please feel free)

Sunday, January 12, 2014

2/52 Project

RP in motion-says he is going to be a professional soccer player when he grows up.  Can't crush his enthusiasm with reality quite yet.... 

Friday, January 10, 2014

ADHD, continued.....

Last year RP was diagnosed as ADHD.  For the last year, his teachers and counselor have been working with me on non-medicine forms of intervention.  From the diagnosis through the end of second grade, the sticker chart, the positive reinforcement, the pointing out when a better decision could have been made, the fish oil, the less gluten diet, and everything else we tried seemed to be working.  I was proud of the fact that the school and I were working together on ways to help him build the coping mechanisms he needs for his extra challenge without using medicine as an automatic go to.  He was responding and developing.  Third grade has been a totally different story though.

He entered third grade at a lower reading level.  He was seeing the reading specialist last year, so this was expected that he would still be playing "catch up" in third grade.  He has been working so hard at getting better at reading and has done so well.  His self esteem is higher than it had been and he would seek out reading as a pass time instead or cower from it.  Then the OAA tests happened.  If you aren't familiar with them, they are part of that "Leave No Child Behind" bullshit.  I am not a fan of standardized testing.  I don't believe they are accurate and have way too much importance placed on them.  Yes, I was bad at them.  No, I am not a dumbass.  I scored well below my high school SAT average but guess what, graduated college with Latin Honors.  Ok.  I'll step down from the soapbox now, but I'm just sayin.....I could go on for a while about my hatred of these tests.

So the OAA.  They start practicing and focusing on it in second grade and the reading part of this test determines if you can go to 4th grade.  They get two shots, one in the fall and one in the spring.  Well, needless-to-say, RP did not pass the fall one.  With this continued reading troubles added to him being much more distracted in third grade added to the already existing ADHD diagnosis, the teacher and the reading specialists are at the end of their interventions at school-they don't know how else to help him.  He is starting to change his attitude about school because of the daily reminders about behavior and he is showing reading frustration again.  They are concerned that without a medical intervention added to the accommodations for testing, that passing in the spring could not happen.

I'm not crazy about this idea but it's one of those parenting moments where you have to make a choice.  My biggest concern is that he is educationally successful.  Repeating third grade, to me, is not an option. He is smart.  He only get As and Bs.  He does not deserve to be held back if his cognitively parallel or a little ahead of others.  So now, I bite the bullet and try something that could help even though I don't necessarily agree with it.  

His pediatrician was great about answering my questions and helping with my concerns.  I told him everything we had tried over the past year and he agreed that what we tried was good.  He said should continue them because learning coping mechanisms is part of the treatment for ADHD, but he agreed that it is time to try medicine.  He started him on the lowest dosage possible.  He told about how there could be some headaches and tummy aches during the first week and those are typical side effects.

RP started the medicine two Fridays ago.  It was a really good day.  I can't remember the last time we had a day like that.  There wasn't a single argument.  And I am talking about a day full of challenges like being at the AT&T store with my dad and step mom for over an hour, running errands and making returns, and just in generally not being at home (which is what he wanted most).  Then that evening we went to B's mom's and then his dad's for a quick Christmas visit.  It wasn't until the way home that a possible side effect surfaced.  He was talking about how much he likes B when he started comparing B and mr and then started crying about never telling me how he really felt about mr.  There was so much to that conversation that I know it was more than a side effect, but the way he was acting was not typical RP at that moment.  

Today marks day 14 of the medicine.  The weepiness lasted for a few days but we haven't had a cry fest for maybe the past 5 days.  Bedtimes have all kinds of awful.  I spoke to the nurse at the pediatrician's office and apparently, this is not uncommon.  She said that there is a mixture of coming off the medicine and underlying anxiety being displayed.  As soon as she said that he could have some anxiety that has gone unnoticed because it was displayed at bad behavior, I realized how much that makes sense.  So, we will have to tackle bedtime-anti anxiety- coping mechanisms now.  And she also suggested a low dose of melatonin to help (which I would have never thought of).

Yesterday (I have to mention this because it is a very positive instance in a less-then-positive post), I picked him up from school and asked about his day.  He proudly announced that he did not get a single reminder. Then we get home and his package is on the front porch.  He used some Christmas money to buy a Lego set off eBay since it is no longer sold in stores.  He was very excited to get it and started building it immediately.  In no time, it was completed.  We had eaten dinner, he has play time, dessert, TV time, and now it was bed time.  It wasn't going well.  We tried drawing his fears but he got frustrated with not being able to draw them correctly.  Then I rubbed his forehead for a bit to help him relax.  15 minutes later, no sleep.  Then he was scared.  And upset.  Then he finally relaxed again and I told him to think about something good.  He looked at me with his beautiful blue eyes, smiled slightly and said, "Today was a good day, no reminders.  I got my Legos that I forgot about.  Had a good dinner.  Got to play.  Have a good Mommy, even got to watch TV.  It was a really good day."  He smiled again and closed his eyes.  He was asleep within 10 minutes.  Granted this was about an hour or so after bedtime, but he finally allowed himself to relax and focus on the positive.  The calmness he had thinking about his day, the confidence in his voice, and the pride he had was priceless.

I am not saying that I have converted.  I am not saying that I think this medicine will be a wonder of all wonders, but I haven't heard that voice from him in long enough that I think I can attribute some of that to the medicine and how maybe it makes him feel more in control.  We shall see where this part of life takes us. The stress of cost of the medicine may be the only thing I can write about next time there is an ADHD label.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

The 52 Project

Last year, a blogger I follow-Lauren over at CrumbBums, did a portrait project of her three kids.  I didn't see her doing this until about half way through the year but I really like the idea of taking one picture of your child(ren) once a week to post and have as an archive.  I take like a billion pictures of RP but to have it one week to another is a great idea.  Looking through the portraits of her kids, you see how much they change week to week, month to month.

I have already failed at a 365 photo challenge, but I think I can handle this one.  So without further adieu, I present to you, photo number 1 (well week one, two portraits)

A portrait of my son, once a week for every week in 2014.

His patience was running thin in line at Kroger while all of Cincinnati prepared for Snowmageddon 2014.