Monday, February 28, 2011

Day 19-Something you miss

I am really sentimental so I pretty much miss everything that has ever made me happy all the time!  I mean seriously.  I would go back to a happy moment at the drop of the hat if I could.  I miss a lot of people more than any "thing" or place from my life.  I miss all my friends that have moved away from me or that I have moved away from....I miss those that I have lost in my life.  No matter how old you are when they are gone, or how old they are when they is never enough time or the time that you spent wasn't the right time.  Like, if my great grandma, grandma or grandpa were still alive now or if I would have known them from ages 10-20 or 15-25, I would have learned so much more and asked so much more about their lives and their experiences.  I miss loving blindly.  I know I did at one point in time because I see it in Parker but I can't anymore.  I miss the small family of three that I once had....although it was brief, I miss having a family of my own. 

(I don't like today's is making me sad.)

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Day 18-Something you regret

Regret is funny.  We make decisions and try to think of all the outcomes before we make that decision but you can't predict everything which can lead to bad things and regret.  I have made a lot of bad decisions.  Some of them I was just simply not thinking, others I thought about but the outcome was still not a positive one...I really try not to regret though.  There is always something that happens as a result of any decision that can be good thing in our lives.  For example, Parker's dad.  There was a point in time long before Parker was born where the relationship was very bad.  It was a dark place and I fooled myself into thinking and believing that it would be better.  I know now that is when the relationship should have ended.  It would have been healthier for me at the point in time to end it.  I could not see that though....I was blinded by the relationship itself.  About a year later I became pregnant.  There have become many times where I have thought about how differently my life would have been if I had left him during that dark time....but I don't regret it.  I can't because of Parker.  Now I know I would not have missed him because I would have never known that I was going to get pregnant a year later but I would have never had him.  I am sure that I would have had another child at some point in time who would have been amazing, but I would have never met Parker.

There is one thing that I do regret that I did in high school.  I am not going to get into detail about it because I am still upset with my actions.  I had an amazing friend.  She was the most beautiful and pure soul that I have ever met.  She was kind and funny, smart and athletic, she was the girl that everyone liked.  We were very close.  I made a bad decision that negatively affected our relationship and then days later.....she found out she had spinal cancer.  I broke her heart and did not try to reconcile with her until she returned to school months later.  This is the regret that I will carry forever.  She lived a block away.  We had known each each other since we were in about the 4th grade.  I never once tried to see her while she was in the hospital.  I knew death was a possibility because I had lost a friend in a car crash the year before.  But I never tried.  She eventually healed.  The next school year we reconciled.  It was never the same though.  The pain that I had caused her and the absence from our relationship that I chose was with us forever.  She accepted my apology for the dumb mistake I had made, but I never knew how to apologize for not being there for her.  During the beginning of my 2nd year at UC, her cancer came back.  She was not able to fight the infection that developed in her blood.  It was basically the same infection that killed my grandpa when I was 10.  She was in remission, was checked out, it was all back and then because of all the crap they pumped into her, she died.  I didn't go to the funeral.  I came up with a lame ass selfish excuse.  This is the second regret that I have.  She never knew how important she was to me....because I never told her.  I will hate that forever.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Day 17- Something you're looking forward to

I've been sitting here passing moments trying to narrow down everything that I am looking forward is too long of a list.  Buying a house, Parker getting his first all "A's" report card, going to Gatlinburg in March, teaching Parker to drive, meeting his first girlfriend, meeting my next boyfriend, watching Sadie learn how to walk.....basically the rest of my life is what I am looking forward to; I have a lot of living to do, both good and bad times lie around the bend, and although I will not enjoy the bad times, I welcome both.  Not everything is rosey but those bad times are the ones that we grow from, learn from, and take steps away from as a better, stronger, wiser person.  I have heard things like this told to me a lot since the beginning of Feburary....right now is a learning and growing time for me.

But beyond the good and bad in my life that I am looking forward to, it is all those things that I am looking forward to in Parker's life.  I don't want the bad to happen to him and it will be one of the biggest challenges in my life to not make the bad go away.  What mom doesn't want that for their child (even though I just clearly stated that it is part of life and the bad can be positive....ha!  It's okay for me but not for him....the cycle of parenthood).  As much of my life I have to live, I get to be one of the main actors in his....I get to experience some of the same things from my life through his.  I get to be the parent on the sideline instead of the child on the field.  All of the development that he has left in his life, I have gone through (similarly at least) and will get to experience in a different way.  It's exciting to think about all of the firsts that he has in his life and how I will be able to introduce him to some, wipe away his tears from others, and be told stories of more of his firsts than witness.  I look forward to all of these things.

Day 16-Dream House

So I am late with this one but I promise it won't happen again.  But because of my tardiness and that I am making srambbled eggs at the same will be breif.

A house that will become my dream house must have the following things:
An upstairs that is usable with bedrooms....not just one.
Hardwood floors
A basement
A fenced in back yard
A big enough back yard to add a back porch is one doesn't exist already but still have grass for playing
A front porch (a swing would be good but big enough for one).

I really love Bungalow and Cape Cod style houses.....but something older with character.....I don't think that I could ever build a new house....there are no stories attached to it, no history.

I have been in the marker for purchasing a house offered was rejected many times on a house that I loved.  I haven't looked again since then....

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Day 15-Bible Verse

This one is a challenge. I am not a bible person. I am not a godly person. I am not a religious person. The only time that I have ever read part of the bible was in a class in college called Women in the bible and it was only the Old Testament.  So I decided to look up some bible verses.....not pleased with the google result of the search "empowering female bible verses."  They were all about how to be a subservient wife.  So then I decided that my 30 day blog challenge would end here.

My dad called, who is a devout follower of my blog and much more religious than I, and he mentioned the song "Turn Turn Turn" by the Byrds.  I like it.  Thanks Dad.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill , and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace

I guess something in the bible does make sense to me and I can relate to it.  But honestly is it a popular song from 1965 that I listened to when I was little....not a verse from the Old Testament.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Day 14-A picture you love

Makes me laugh and love my son even more everytime I look at it.....such a weirdo! :)

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Day 13-Goals

I have not thought about my goals for a long time.  I used to have a lot of them, which I have met.  When I was in college, it was a goal to get more than one 4.0 for a quarter.....I did it.  It was also a goal to graduate with Latin honors, which I did as well.  It was really a goal to complete college all together after I had Parker, which I obviously did.  Since then though, goals have changed.  There aren't as many time constraints that hold you to them, it is all on you.  But here they go:

To be GM of the year through work
To be a home owner
To get a Master's degree
To work in a field that is more closely related to my degree

They are so broad and generic, I think I need to work on that list to make them each more attainable and less universal.  A more focused goal is one that is more likely to be achieved.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Day 12-What you believe

I believe that people can change.  I believe that there is good in all of us.....although it may be a smaller amount in some people, I believe that it is there.  It is a very naive belief to have, and I have learned that it is hard to keep this belief as I get older.  It's funny, because I don't remember having this belief when I was younger, but it has developed through my 20's.  Maybe that is because I grew up a lot over the past 8 years and I have had a lot of experiences that tell me that people (as a mass) just are completely selfish and uncompassionate.  It seems as though "they" just don't care about anyone.  And I know that sometimes I fall into that category.  Maybe I want to be naive in my belief so that my son grows up thinking that the world is not a big selfish evil place where people would rather step on you while you are down then help pick you up.  Caring for a stranger, although it may be minute, is important and I believe that it can help change the outcome of another person's day, which could make them do something small for another person the next day.  I try to teach Parker that the little things you do for a stranger is one of the best ways to be helpful.  Like the other day we were at Panera and there was a mom with three children, probably 7, 4 and 18 months.  They all sat nicely at the table but when they called her name for her food, she scooped up the baby and would have had to make 4 trips for the food with one hand available.  I asked if I could help, she said oh no that's okay (which is something that I have said many times when a stranger has offered help to me and Parker), and I said I would love to help you out.  So I did.  I was a little pushy about it and she said Thank you, maybe she was annoyed or grateful...I don't know.  I do know she was able to sit sooner with her children and enjoy her meal with her family.  Parker asked me why I did that and I told him just to helpful to someone else.

There are good individuals in the world.  I know a lot of them, but it is the people we don't know that we tend to not care about and why don't we care?  We are too consumed in our own busy lives and we can not be blamed for that, but because of that, our mass of people have turned from good individuals to a crappy whole.  I believe that can change but only through random acts of kindness I guess.  I don't really know how it can change, but I believe it can.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Day 11-Favorite TV shows

I don't watch too much tv...there really isn't a lot of time for it and when there is time, I do not have control over the channel.  It also doesn't help much that we don't have cable.....a whopping 15 channels.

When I lived with my mom, I would watch the Food Network non-stop.  My mom and I would fight over Food Network or HGTV.  Any show of Food Network is a favorite.  I also really like Grey's Anatomy.  I have watched pretty much every season.  I think I may have missed one year, but I'm not sure.  I like Private Practice too but think that it is rather cheesy most of the time.  I was into American Idol until this year.....just not the same without Simon.  Glee was okay for about 1/2 a season but I am over that one too.

The one show that I watched every week (all six of them) was on AMC earlier this year, The Walking Dead.  I loved it and can't wait until next season....maybe I will have cable by then so I can watch it.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Day 10-Something you're afraid of

I am afraid of not finding a partner in crime.  This fear is heightened right now because of my recent break up with mr, but it has scared me the entire time I have been single.  I fear that I will never find that complimentary, my other half, soul mate, best friend, my weirdo.  It scares me.  And again, right now I am thinking about it more than I have in a long time because I am out of the first substantial relationship that I have had as an adult.  It was great.  I never thought of my self as a relationship person because so many people from my past have told me that I am "too independent"....isn't that kind of good?  But I won't dwell on that part.  I figured out life with just Parker and I.....although I wasn't rainbows and sunshine all the was good.  But recently, I have had that and the extra......god damn the extra was good.  Sharing with someone, putting Parker to bed and staying up with someone to watch tv or to just talk or just hold each other.  Having weekend plans or planning what our weekend was going to be.....just having the extra.  Not making all the decisions.  Not being the only adult.  I loved it.  I am still surprised I did so much, I was content with the idea of always being single.  Now I am back to where I was before except I am lacking the extra that was oh so great.......and now I have the fear of not finding it again.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Day 9-A picture of your friends

Very old pic of Jen and Holly

Old ass pic of Zach, Nikki and Quinn

Katie and I

Matt, my Bro-in-law and me
Mr. Clark and I

Yang Yang

Nikki, Lynn and me

Mandy in LA
These are some of my friends who know me to my core.....missing one though....apparently I have no pictures of Melaina and I on my computer......this needs to change next time you are in the States!!!!!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Day 8-A place you've traveled to

Traveling is something that my family has always loved to do.  My grandparents have literally been around the world more than dad ran out of pages in his passport because it had been stamped so many mom lived in France while she was in older sister traveled around Europe for 5 weeks after she was done with high little sister has been to Japan and lived in get the picture, we travel.

Like everyone else, I have traveled as much as possible.  When we were younger we went to the Rockies, Yellowstone, far north in Canada, and all up and down the East coast.  As an adult, I have mostly traveled to California (twice really but I loved both times).  Lauren and I went to San Fransisco together for 10 days to visit friends and then I help my bestie, Mandy, move to LA by driving with her and her two cats across the country (we made it in 36 hours).  But one of the most memorable trips and places I have traveled was Brasil.

I have been there twice.  The first time, I was solo visiting my dad who had been there for about 4 weeks.  The second time was with both of my sisters while my dad was living there for the better part of 6 months.  Both trips were amazing and I could spend days telling everyone about  those memories.  But I just want to share one specific memory from my first visit.

I was there for about 7 days (maybe).  I had been a guest speaker at a private school that taught English and Spanish, I had gone dancing and drinking Caipirinha, I had even fallen in love with the most handsome Brasillian man I have ever seen.....ahhhhh, Cesar....he was so hot (and didn't know any English).  But I will jump to the end of my trip.  I was crying because I didn't want to leave.  I was saying good bye to all of my new Brasillian family.  I said good bye to my dad and boarded the plane.

Now, traveling South, I left Dayton to Atlanta.  Atlanta to Sao Paulo and Sao Paulo to Porto Alegre.  It was supposed to be the same on the way home.  Note the word suppose.

I boarded the plane.  The trip from Sao Paulo to Porto Alegre was not a long flight, but I didn't know exactly how long because I had passed completely out on that leg of the trip on the way down....but my dad said about an hour.  So we are flying and then we start landing about an hour later.  Looking out the window, it did not seem like it was Sao Paulo because that is one of the world's largest cities, and I didn't see the same city lights as I has before....but what did I know?  I had to have someone help me through customs a week earlier!  So the plane lands, and I slowly walk up to the flight attendant, who doesn't speak English, I point out the door and say "Sao Paolo?"  She smiles a huge smile and says, "Yes!"  So, naturally trusting her, I get off the air plane.  I follow everyone to the baggage claim area and wait patiently for my Oakwood Lumberjack's Volleyball duffel bag.  And I wait.....and wait.....and wait.  All the other passengers are gone.  I am thinking, I am running out of time to make my connection to home.....eff my bag, I want to go home.  I find the desk of the airline I had traveled to tell them about my bag.  The lady speaks English and asks what address they can send it to...I tell her I live in the States.  She asks for my local address, I tell her I don't have one, I live in the States.  We do this about about 4 more rounds....when finally I am really thinking I don't need anything from that bag ever again and I say loudly....."Just tell me where the Delta check-in is!"  She looked more confused.  At that point I knew....but still asked..."This is Sao Paulo right?!"  Her look went from confusion to shock.  She turned and started yelling at another employee something in Portuguese...he runs out but quickly returns.  She looked at me and said, "No, this is not Sao Paulo.  The plane you were on had one stop but it just took off again for Sao Paulo.


I had no idea where I was with none of my things.  Luckily I had my dad's phone number in the travel journal I was keeping with me at all times.  I call him....I tell him....he starts yelling.  (not at me but because the airline never told him there was a stop on my flight).  I hand the phone to the airline worker.....I hear more yelling....she just shakes her head yes.  They hang up.  She tells me they are figuring it out and I should just go sit down and relax (I was sobbing by this point).  I find a seat and a lovely old man that bummed me a cigarette.  I sat and smoked, wondering if I would ever get home.  I didn't want to leave hours before but now it was the only thing I wanted....home.  The lady comes to get me because my dad had called back.  It was all figured out...I was to get on the next plane to Sao Paulo, Delta was going to hold the plane until I boarded (I made it leave solid 40 minutes late) and I was going to have a chaperon to meet me at one terminal to take me to the other one.

The plane I boarded had propellers....and it held 10 people.  I was scared for my life but obviously I met my chaperon and made it to my Delta flight home......

This story will always kill my dad because of where I had landed.  It is a very VERY small city named Navegantes. 
It is so isn't on this map but it is very close to Itajai.  So you can see, one, how far off I was and two that it is nothing in size comparison to Sao Paulo and you can all join my dad in wondering....What the hell I was thinking!

So that is a place that I have traveled.....although not on purpose.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Day 7-Favorite movies

I have a few that are my "favorites" or "go to" movies.  Some of them I have seen too many times and it is more fun to quote them than to watch them at this point.  These are in no specific order besides which I thought of first.

The Princess Bride
Fight Club
Finding Nemo
The Big Labowski
Tommy Boy
Shawshank Redemption

Kind of a strange mix....I like funny, hate scary.  I don't watch movies nearly as much as I used to and every since Parker has been old enough for an attention span for movies, I watch mostly the kid kind.  My friend Corndog though is a movie if you ever want to know if a movie is good or not.....check out his blog.  He is also partaking in this 30 day challenge so I am sure that he has lots to say for this day's post at his other blog (here).

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Day 6-a picture of something that makes you happy

I have this poster hanging in Parker's room. I have had it for years, it was one of the best gifts his father ever gave to me. It used to be hanging above my bed long ago, and every time I would come home, I would stand at the end of the bed and just look at it. I love it. I makes me happy. It is pure and innocent to me. It really helps that I love love LOVE giraffes. They are magnificent and to see this mama giraffe leaning to smooch her baby just plain makes me smile.

And I bet you all were thinking I would post a picture of Parker.....(I was going to until I walked in his room, saw the poster and smiled).

Monday, February 14, 2011

Day 5-Your siblings

I think on Day 1 I said that I am one of three girls.....and if I didn't, i just did!  I have an older sister and a younger sister, yes I am the middle and yes I totally have middle child syndrome (and I am the funniest).

Jen (the oldest) and I have a very friendly relationship.  She is definitely one of my best friends.  We think very similarly and have many of the same opinions.  I was the classic little sister that wanted to be just like her big sister when I was younger.  Everything Jen did, I did.  It was cool having a role model like that until we started fighting.  That phase in our life didn't last long though.  We started hanging out socially when I was a freshman and she was a senior.  It was awesome until she graduated and left me.  I remember the first day of my sophomore year, I walked into the school and realized all my friends were in college.  But that was a long time ago.  Because we were sisters we saw each other enough, but because we were friends, we would make plans together.  She has done a lot in her adult life from getting a degree, running a pizza place, selling fabric, starting her own home decorating company to now planning events.  Jen has quite the eye for fashion and she has a great ability to make a bunch random crap look amazing as someone's centerpiece at their wedding.  She can make anything look great.  Beyond her decorating artisiness, she can draw....I remember trying to recreate her art when I was younger (which was an epic fail).  She is also musical.  We all were but she was definitely the best at piano.  You can see her connect with the notes while she is still great to watch her.  Jen has great patience too and because of that she is a great Aunt.  She got married in 2008 to a man she met in 1998.  They are happily married which is actually kinda funny because most of their early 20's they agreed that they didn't need to join the institution of marriage to be committed and happy....haha....hippy.

Lauren (the youngest) and mine relationship is very different from mine with Jen.  She and I have gone through some more turbulent times.  I always wanted her and I to have the same kind of relationship that Jen and I have, and I don't really know why we didn't besides that we are more different.  She views the world in such a unique artistic way that no matter how hard I try, I can't see it the same.  She amazes me though.  Talk about some amazing art.  The connection her hands have to her mind is awesome.  I am extremely jealous of her talent.....both of them have to much art within them and I have none.  Her art has been in galleries across the country and she was picked from her school to have her art displayed in the Illustrators Guild in New York.  She is also brave.  Lauren is the only one who has moved out of state and stayed out of state.  She left and lived in Alaska with my cousin for 4 months a couple summers ago.  When she was a junior in high school she moved to Brasil for 6 months as an exchange student (this was after my dad's wife was living in the states).  She doesn't care about what people think of her artistic fashion....I love it even though some of what she wears is a little strange, but I wish I had the balls to be like her sometime.  (She has a fashion blog here).  She is the first to admit that she is a nerd in all of her nerdly glory., in fact her and her fiance drove across the country to attend ComiCon in San Diego acouple years ago....and no, not for the gaming side but for the comics and Star Wars side.  I am so proud of Lauren, I have seen her low but rise to the highest high.  She is getting married this summer and I am so happy for her. 

Both of my sister's are wonderful and when we are together it is a fun time of making fun of each other, laughing, reminising, crying and sometimes a politcal debate.  Regardless of how often we fight (ahem, Lauren and I) or don't see life in the same way, they are both guarenteed people that I can confide in and trust.  It is fun being in the middle, I get to be the little sister and the proud big sister at the same time.  I know them both in such different ways than they even know each other, that besides being the funniest....I think I am the luckiest too.

(that last sentence was pretty effing sappy)

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Day 4-Your Parents

I don't even know where to start.  My sisters and I happen to be very lucky women because our parent got the co-parenting thing right.  They are loving, supportive, caring and all of the things that we typically think of what a parent should be but they also don't let us get away with anything.  From childhood to adulthood, they have disciplined.  Obviously it is in a different way now, it is through listening and responding with honest answers.  They tell us their opinions even though they may be very contrary to ours.  I know that I can tell my parents anything and although they may not want to hear anything or everything, they will listen.

My childhood was amazing.  Family vacations, movie nights, putting barrettes in my dad's hair....we were a very solid family unit.  Neither of my parents were fixed in the bad guy/good guy dichotomy.  Sometimes my mom would be the disciplinarian and other times it was my father.  I can't remember thinking that one was the fun one and one was not....they were equal.  When I was 13 though, they separated and eventually divorced.  This was and still is one of the biggest challenges that I faced and still face today.  I know that it changed my path of life, I have no idea who I would be if they had never divorce (not saying that it would have been better or worse).  It was very difficult for the three of us in our own ways.  But because they made an agreement when they decided to start having children, they never faltered in their co-parenting.  I know that most people I have met with divorced parents cannot say that...I know some of my peers were dragged through lengthy custody agreements.  But my parents did not do that.  I can't even imagine how hard it was for them to put aside their disagreements and hurt feelings to put us first.  Yes our lives changed but their involvement did not.  It was important to them that we live in the same house we grew up in and eventually my dad bought a house about 7 blocks away (my mom loved that).  Like I said, we are very lucky women.

Going to my parents when I was 21 to tell them I was pregnant was another difficult time.  I didn't know what their response was going to be, but they showed me that even when you think you have created a huge disappointment, they become better than they were before.  They are now amazing grandparents.  When I could no longer afford to live on my own after Parker was born, they both offered my small family to come live with them.  When I decided to move back to Cincinnati, it was hard for them to let us go, but they knew it was best for me.  They are amazing.  Parker is one of the luckiest little boys because of them as well.  He has a very unique bond with each of them, my dad fills his lack of a father figure and when he is sick, he often calls out for Grandma Patti.  They succeeded and continue to succeed in their jobs.  I know that looking back at our childhoods, they wonder if they would have done something differently if they would have been better parents, and I know that both of them will read this, and no, you both did what you thought was right and you did great.

Back to their divorce.  Like I said about it changing my path...I came to a realization that (this is going to sound really REALLY weird) but I am okay with the fact that they did.  If they had stayed together my life would be lacking the other people that are my family.  Both of my parents have partners and I can't imagine not having their partners in my life.  Both Pat and Lilia are very important to me and I love them dearly.  They both offer their support and love as though we were their children too.  The course that my parents marriage and divorce had taken enriched my life.  Now trust me, it has taken as very long time to come to that conclusion and if you would have told me I would think that way 15 years ago, I would have laughed and probably told you to eff off.  I know that the scars from their divorce will always be with all of us, but, for me, they are no longer open wounds.

I love you Mom and Dad......Thank you.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Day 3-Your first love first love.  I won't give his full name but his first name was Andy.  Although he broke my heart, I can't help but think of him with a smile.  I met him in 7th grade (maybe it was 8th, I can't remember now) when he moved into my school.  He was in band and maybe one other class of mine.  He was so cute with his reddish blond hair and blue he wasn't from my hometown which made him way more interesting than all the other boys.  I am pretty sure I was crushing hardcore the minute I saw him.  We eventually became boyfriend and girlfriend....then he broke up with me.  Then a few months later we got back together and it was "real love" that time......and then he broke up with me.  I came to my senses for at least a year.....then we started being boyfriend and girlfriend again......shocker.... he broke up with me.  This may have happened one more time....too many that's for sure!  Every time we broke up, a mutual friend, another Andy, would tell me, "Well Allyson, it was nice to see you so often over the past months, I guess I'll see you in about a year or so!" making fun of the fact that we would date about once a year.  I think every other boyfriend I had in high school was probably just my rebound off of Andy.....

It's funny to think about those you used to love in your younger never really know if it was "real" or just "hormones".  I realized that I seriously loved that kid when I saw him once at the Speedway on Dorthy Lane about 4ish years ago (you can't guarantee anything on my memory time line by the way).  I got nervous when I realized that it was him.  I mean, it had been like 6 years since I had seen him.  But totally had the shaky knees.  We chatted for a moment and before we parted he said something about my eyes.....yes, it made my heart flutter.  I got in my car to drive away, but sat there for a moment...I shook my head in disappointment, in a five minute conversation I had morphed into my 13, 14, 15, 16 year old self that was head over heels for that kid.

This has made me wonder if I was anyone's first love.......

Friday, February 11, 2011

Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name

I decided that I wanted to start blogging when I realized that I am not the only woman who is single with a child whose father has disenfranchised himself.  I didn't really know where to start or if I would have a specific focus besides our everyday lives.  Hence, Day in the Life.  I am really bad with titling things anyway, more than once I turned in college research paper's without titles because I couldn't think of a good one.  This was simple and to the point (kinda like me? haha).    Single moms know that although our children are our main focus, we do have lives outside of them as well.  So keep my focus like my days, sometimes around me or Parker or the both of us and our relationship.  I hoped that I would be able to reach out to other mom's that are in similar situations to me and let them know that they are not alone.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts

This is the most recent picture I have of me and Parker.....pretty sad that it is from December, apparently I need to take more pictures....

Anyway, this is Parker and me.  We are a duo.  It has been just us for about 3 years, with the exception of some guest stars.  So now to the 15 interesting facts...hopefully they really are interesting! 

1.  I am the middle child of 3 girls.  My little sister was born the day before my 3rd birthday so I really don't know what is like to have my own birthday.  Even when we aren't together, it is still ours.  My older sister was born the day before my dad's 27th birthday.....I guess that is how my family rolls.

2. For about 3 years, every time my mom and sister's would sit down to a meal, I would choke at least once during the meal.  I don't know if this is interesting or just sadly funny, but we decided that I take too big of bites and I try to talk too much while I eat.  It doesn't help that it is LaughFest whenever the 4 of us are together.

3.  I have been to more states than I haven't been.  I can name the ones that I have not visited faster and easier: Alaska, Hawaii, Washington, Oregon, Nevada, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama, New Jersey, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, Delaware, I am pretty sure those are it....I will have to verify with a map later.

4. I can make my tongue go into three kinda looks like a clam or something....supposedly I am 1 in a million that can do that.  I can also touch my tongue to my nose, flip it on both sides, and fold it in half.

5.  I have only had 3 jobs in my life.  The first, at my Uncle's bread bakery, the second at my band director's fancy pants restaurant and the third at JJ ( I have been there almost 8 years).  All have revolved around food but I really hate working in the food industry.

6. I started playing the piano when I was 4 but gave it up in high school for sports.  But I can still read treble and bass clef.

7.  I can make a sandwich in less than 30 seconds.

8. My family co-founded the city of Germantown, Ohio.  And my grandpa was the Mayor in the 50's or 60's. (my sister confirmed it was the 60's).

9. I have been to Brasil twice.  The first time I was a guest speaker in a couple English classes and the second time we went to Carnival.

10.  I make up words and facts if I don't know the real answer.

11. I have broken 3 bones, my foot, my wrist, and my nose.

12. I have 3 tattoos and no piercings...people often think those things go together.  I got my ears pierced when I was 9 but quit wearing earrings when I was 13.....

13. I have a degree in Women's Studies only because my best friend created the Bachelor's program 2 years before me.  (Thanks again Ms. Melaina!)

14.  My favorite stuffed animal, Wrinkles, has been to every state and country that I have been to....I think she has only missed one vacation.

15. I have never had braces or cavities, only my wisdom teeth pulled on two separate dad loves telling that story!

That one was a challenge for sure....kinda makes me wonder if I picked the boring stuff or if I really am boring......hmmmmmm.......

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

30 day challenge

I have thought about doing a blog 30 day challenge before, but I have never "had time to commit."  I have no other commitments in the evenings after work so I am going to try this one.....I found it at The Thomas and Ben Chronicles who found it at A Healthier Me and Maybe Baby?.  So here it is:

Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts
Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name
Day 3-Your first love
Day 4-Your parents
Day 5-Your siblings
Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 7-Favorite movies
Day 8-A place you've traveled to
Day 9-A picture of your friends
Day 10-Something you're afraid of
Day 11-Favorite TV shows
Day 12-What you believe
Day 13-Goals
Day 14-A picture you love
Day 15-Bible verse
Day 16-Dream house
Day 17-Something you're looking forward to
Day 18-Something you regret
Day 19-Something you miss
Day 20-Nicknames
Day 21-Picture of yourself
Day 22-Favorite city
Day 23-Favorite vacation
Day 24-Something you've learned
Day 25-Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs
Day 26-Picture of your family
Day 27-Pets
Day 28-Something that stresses you out
Day 29-3 Wishes
Day 30-a picture

This is quite a list of topics for the next 30 days......I hope that I finish it in the next 40 days :)


Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Still in my heart

I broke the rule and called after mr text me.  It was awful but wonderful at the same time.  And all I want to do is talk about it and obsess over what everything means and could mean.  I am giving myself false hope.  It's over even though he is still in my heart.  It's over even though I may still be in his.  He will not change his mind and I have to think about something else.  At least when I am home.  At work I stand at a slicer doing the same mindless routine for about 80% of the time that I am there.  I will allow myself to think about it there, to be sad and tearful (not too tearful though, I have a reputation to uphold)....I am sure my employees will love that, but they can get over it.  So I am giving myself this last entry to talk about it this week.  I know it will come up again because he was extremely profound to me, but I can not only talk and think about someone who is not in my life.  Damnit, I want him in my life.  I want to be angry, but I understand and respect where his is in his life.  I want to cry and talk about how unfair it is, but we had an amazing time together.  I think that is why it hurts the was great and if one little thing was different, it would still be great.  I have to let my mind move forward though, I cannot keep revisiting it here everyday, although that is what I would like to do.  It cannot consume my life.  Starting tomorrow I am going to distract my thoughts with a 30 day challenge.  

Monday, February 7, 2011


Today was spent waiting. Waiting for something to happen that I know will never happen again. Every time I looked at my phone I was disappointed. Half my brain said, "you are a moron, stop checking, you know there is nothing there and there won't be."  The other half kept saying, "check your never know! (in a hopeful manner)."  I hate that half of my brain, i would like to punch it.  Today I was stuck on what was a routine.  Tomorrow I think I will have to move my right foot.  Then Wednesday my left.  Maybe by Thursday I will be able to start my way from where I am right now.  This place that I am now is an awful place.  I can't talk about it without crying and feeling like a fool.  Tomorrow I will not cry.  And Wednesday I will not feel like a fool.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

I am Jack's broken heart

6 months wasn't long enough.  We are in two different places in our lives and there is no one to blame for that but 6 month wasn't long enough.  I want to love him for a life time.  It still felt like the beginning.  There was still so much more to come.  I want to be mad but there is no reason for anger.  My life has changed.